It has been a rough week emotionally. No, nothing really bad happened. Yes, some good things also happened. Yes, I’m fine. Sometimes, the bad worms deeper, and this is where my head is right now.
I am not naturally confident about myself, but I have always stood by my work. Unfortunately, because I am more comfortable with my professional work, I also tend to place a great deal of my self-worth into that area of my life. When work is not coming up roses, it tends to shake the foundation of my confidence.
Lately, the day job has been a bit meh. There are some improvements in work I’m pretty excited about, and I get energized thinking about the opportunities. However, I also feel like a storm is hovering at the edges. We are not aligned, I do not feel heard, and the threat of “return to the office” remains. (Many of my fellow introverts can sympathize with the last sentiment.)
I’m trying. The leaders are trying. The puzzle pieces are not yet clicking into place. There have been a lot of organizational upheavals recently, and finding how everyone fits takes time. Part of me wonders if I will fit in the box they want for me. After seventeen years, I’m no longer interested in pretending to be something I’m not to fit someone else’s box.
I know my lines. I need to stop worrying about other people, but that is easier said than done.
Again, no big event happened here to drive me into a lather, but my stability came crashing down this morning. All of those little things that seem inconsequential one at a time reached a tipping point when combined with the work uncertainty.
Bottom line? I’m feeling unappreciated. It feels stupid to write it, but there you go. I take care of all these little things that need to happen but are nothing groundbreaking. Day in and day out, and it is expected, receiving little to no thanks or acknowledgment. Usually, it doesn’t matter, I even enjoy doing the little things. Then, a threshold trips, and it matters a great deal.
I’m a big proponent of counselors and mental health check-ups, so maybe it is time for another chat. Being unhappy is nothing to be ashamed of, but it can be a symptom of something deeper. For today, I’m going to do some thought exercises that have helped me in the past and find my happy place.
Take care of yourselves!